From Larry Wohlgemuth…
Look for the similarities and not the differences” was the sage advice I got early in my journey through the 12 steps. I didn’t know what to do with it. I couldn’t envision myself similar to all those in this diverse group.
It was easy when someone shared details that mirrored my experience, but others didn’t resonate with me. Their experiences varied so widely from my own that it seemed unlikely I shared anything but my biology with them.
However, as time went by and my eyes opened wider, I understood that I had more in common with the people in this room than I ever could’ve imagined. Then I realized it wasn’t just the people in this room, but people everywhere, and I felt connected in ways I never believed possible.
It begs the question, what causes us to consider that we are different from, and in many cases less than, our fellows?
A sure sign of one’s sense of inferiority is the need to project an appearance of superiority over others, which feeds the notion of “exceptionalism” held by a large number of Americans. They believe that by dressing up the outside it will make them feel better on the inside. Clothes make the man, don’t you know.
One of the most valuable lessons I ever learned at my twelve-step group was, “Don’t compare your insides with other people’s outsides.” It took some time to figure out what that meant, but my eyes opened some when I read the following poem by Edwin Arlington Robinson:
WHENEVER Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
“Good-morning,” and he glittered when he walked.And he was rich—yes, richer than a king,
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
You see I was raised in a home, not unlike other people, to believe in the heretical notion of my own conception in sin, and therefore my inferiority. I was broken, damaged goods from the first moment I drew breath, and there was little I could do about it.
I imagined people to be truly reflective of the edifices which they created for themselves, and not for the human beings they really were inside. By doing so I considered myself broken while everyone else functioned properly. I believed that I was fatally flawed.
Over the years I watched other people’s lives fall apart, people I’d considered far more capable than was I. They were brought down by greed, sexual infidelities, anger, mistrust and several other foibles which I’d never perceived in them from their outward appearances.
Nevertheless, I clung to the notion of my own inferiority until George W. Bush inadvertently made it crystal clear for me. It wasn’t until his “they hate us for our freedoms” meme that I took a long look at the world around me and appreciated it for what it really is.
Afghanistan is one of the poorest countries in the world, with most of its citizens barely able to scratch out a living. I imagined these peasants, unable to adequately feed themselves, sitting around worried about the freedoms in America. It was so absurd as to make your head explode, then it struck me: they’re just like us.
They’re concerned about their survival, and they don’t have time to consider what might be happening in America. It’s this concern about our survival that Bush played to in us to create the fear necessary for people to demand a military invasion of this impoverished nation. Appealing to that and our need to feel exceptional was all he needed to do.
If we weren’t in their country, the people of Afghanistan wouldn’t give us a second thought. They wouldn’t have time, because they’re too busy trying to do things like feed, clothe and provide shelter for their families, just like us. So how do they get us to believe otherwise? That’s where the church comes in.
In the early days of our country, “men of God” extolled the virtues of American exceptionalism and our manifest destiny, as they encouraged our soldiers to slaughter the “heathen” Native Americans. It’s the artificial divide created by religions that enjoins otherwise good men to commit unspeakable atrocities. They made the soldiers see the Native Americans as different, less than and a threat.
It’s necessary for us to believe there’s a fundamental difference, and that “they” are less than human. In reality the similarities far outweigh the differences. People the world over want the same thing that we want, and that’s to fall in love, get married and have children they hope to see have a better life than did they.
If you can’t be convinced that “they” are fundamentally different than you, it’s impossible to compel you to commit atrocities. If we cast off these artificial divides and think for just a moment, we will intuitively understand that “they” are just like us.
Don’t you think they feel the same joy as we do when they get married or have a child? And don’t you think their hearts are filled with sorrowful grief when that child dies? They’re human beings, our fellows, and we share the same fine characteristics and shortcomings with them. Our joy is the same as their joy, and our grief is the same as their grief. We are all the same. We are all one.
They have their men of God as well, also filling their heads with heretical notions, hoping to compel their followers to act upon them. It only works if we let it, and I say it’s time for us to cast off these artificial divides and recognize our oneness. We are born perfect with a complete set of instructions inside, and it’s time to understand that and stop butchering each other over whose God has the biggest dick.
There’s an old Socialist slogan from the early 20th century, “A bayonet is a weapon with a worker at each end”. We need only alter that slightly to say human being at each end. It’s time to stop killing in the name of either God or country, and recognize that this is our family, and to treat them accordingly.
You can continue to accept the artificial divides and go on slaughtering each other in the name of some God or another, or you can join the family of man and enjoy a seat at the table of peace, love and hope for the future. It’s your choice. Just understand that one day it may be your child on the wrong end of that bayonet.
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