From Lama J… 

If you ever visit Jordan, you will definitely notice the signs in the streets that say “Jordan First”. This was the slogan launched by King Abdullah the Second a few years back as a way to promote the idea that Jordan is important to all Jordanians, and that Jordanians should work hard to make Jordan the best it can be.

Over these years, the “Jordan First “ slogan has become to butt of jokes throughout the country. It must be said, Jordan has become First or close to it in almost everything in the Middle East. On the surface, this seems like something set to instill a sense of pride and patriotism. Dig deeper and you might change your mind.

To begin with, regionally speaking, Jordan is first or close to it in terms of the percentage of the population living in poverty.  Jordan is also first when it comes to the lowest salaries, with regards to individual income compared to what one needs to simply survive.  Additionally, Jordan is first among Middle Eastern countries in terms of high sales tax. It is also first in both airport taxes and petrol taxes.  Worse still, the government sometimes doesn’t even bother to identify the reason why some taxes are even being taken. It should come as no surprise then that Jordanians are also the biggest consumers of tobacco, and have the largest number of people suffering from high blood pressure.

Unfortunately and perhaps surprisngly to many, Jordan is also first in what some refer to as honor killings. With numbers even higher than Saudi Arabia, women are murdered in the name  of protecting family honor and age-old savage traditions. Jordan is also first in the Middle East in terms of emigration, as the young generation is leaving the country in droves in order to make a better life for themselves and in some cases, just so they can survive.  

It makes me sad to see this wonderful country with its rich history and profound link to the storied Holy Land as described in the Koran, the Bible and the Torah suffering the way it is. 

Simply put, Jordanians are hurting. People are lining up in front of embassies, trying to find an escape route to a better life. The ridiculous tax system is destroying the economy and scaring away investors. Although taxes in other countries do indeed yield benefits for citizens, in Jordan we pay taxes and get nothing in return.

There is no health care system, no pension funds, no retirement plans, no free education, no unemployment insurance - no social safety net whatsoever. A small percentage of Jordanians, who many of us call WHALES, are the only survivors.  These WHALES control the vast majoity of the wealth, but make up the tiny minority of the country.

Jordan is first in both telecommunications and technology, in the number of text mesaages sent and is first or close to it in terms of the percentage of citizens with university educations. Text messages, however, dont pay the bills and people with univeristy educations make less than $1000 a month working as dentists or teachers. 

So Viva to Jordan and Viva to all the Jordanians for taking the lead and being first – unfortunately, for many, it’s  first in misery.

From Lama J…

Jordan is considered one of the most educated and flexible societies in the Middle East; the land of the three religions, surrounded by a long history, offering tourist havens such as Petra and Mt. Nebo to the rest of the world. Statistics also show Jordan as having the highest level of educated people among other countries in the same area. With that said, the country still has some outdated ideas about marriage.

The population of Jordan is more than six million, with tens of thousands of women over age 35 remaining unmarried. It’s hard for a woman in her mid-thirties and upward to find a husband, as most men want to marry younger women to start a family. On the other hand, the percentage of single men in Jordan in a 2008 study was about 46%. In this regard, many young men who are willing to marry can’t afford to put gas in their cars let alone pay for a wedding.

The problem here is that not only does Jordan tax its citizens at the same rate or more than most European countries, the average income per household is far too low to even readily afford the basic necessities of daily life. What makes matters worse is the mentality of many Jordanian families regarding finding the perfect husband for their daughters.

Throughout the 8 years I lived in Jordan, I watched on as many young females who were perfectly willing to marry and share their lives have their hopes dashed. These women did not care about how much money her husband made, as they wanted to work and share the expensive cost of living with their partner, and all they wanted was a family.

Nevertheless, many families push these young men who want to marry their daughters towards the door with their non-stop over the top demands – a fully-furnished house, a car, gold and diamonds, imported designer wedding dresses, engagement parties and wedding receptions at the most expensive five star hotels in Amman – and don’t forget, this is in a relatively poor country!  The result is that men often find themselves unable to meet the conditions and the father of the bride refuses to give his blessing to the marriage.

It should be noted that getting married and having children are top priorities in Jordan and most marriages are arranged by the father of the bride. And with arranged marriages still the norm, most couples will not even get to know each other until after they are engaged.

The result of all this financial and social pressure is that men, after being asked for the impossible several times over by fathers, get turned off from the idea of marriage altogether, as do women. What follows is more and more single women (and to a certain degree men) who are depressed and unhappy with the whole process. In a traditional culture like Jordan’s, most women simply can’t say anything about the unreasonable demands of their fathers or mothers, and end many up being single for life, isolated and abused by society as a result.

In the Middle East, men usually pay for the majority of what’s required to establish a family, but this way of thinking is changing. More and more, women are taking a page from Western Society and sharing in the financial responsibilities of the household. Young women in general these days in fact want to do so. The needs of what are no less than greedy parents however are still lagging behind any form of modernity.

I’ve seen many friends who never wanted anything from the man they wanted to marry and who were ready to help their men meet the family’s non-stop demands, but this creates even more stress in the end. Many young couples find themselves in deep debt from day one, because of the financial pressures placed upon them by their parents. I know this is common in North America too, as weddings can be expensive anywhere, but keep in mind the low incomes in Jordan. Dentists, teachers and other working professionals make less than a thousand dollars U.S.  per month, so being in debt in Jordan means being in debt, and under pressure, for much longer.

The blame cannot always be squarely placed on the families either, as there are those women in the Middle East who are very demanding in terms of marriage. They want the biggest wedding, the best DJ, in the grandest hotel and most expensive dress and diamonds. The poor guy will often borrow to pay for all this and sometimes, the marriage won’t even last a year.

I know of these frustrations firsthand, as my family is currently on a mission to find my brother a wife. The only son of four children, he is 38 years old and couldn’t marry the girl he loved because the conditions he needed to meet in order to satisfy the father were too much. My poor mom and dad are meeting families and trying to help, but every time they get rejected if they are unwilling to meet a ready-made list of demands.

A potential father-in-law recently told my brother he would have to sign over ownership of his own apartment to his daughter if he wanted to marry her. Can you believe this?! Another told him to buy gold and furniture from specific places considered to be the most expensive in Amman!! Specific honeymoon destinations, famous DJs and more just kept coming at both my brother and my parents and so… he’s now decided he doesn’t want to marry a woman from Jordan or even the Middle East at all!

In the end, what do we get from all this? A happy life for our daughters and sons? Never, as the divorce rate for new marriages in Jordan is a staggering 70%.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) once said “If a good Muslim came to you and asked your daughter’s hand in marriage, help him to marry. If you don’t, it will be a loss for both you and society.”

Declining marriage rates, sky-rocketing divorce rates and falling birth rates…. and for what? It’s time to change our priorities.

Photograph Taken by David Anthony Hohol

As little as five years ago, very few people on the other side of the Atlantic had ever heard of Dubai. Now it has become a city known around the world. The reality is no one really knows much about the place even today, but the biggest city in the tiny country of the United Arab Emirates has gained fame for modern architecture and towers that reach the sky.

The most photographed place the UAE is without question the Burj Al Arab. The only known 7 star hotel in the world, the “Tower of the Arabs” is also the tallest building on the planet used exclusively as a hotel. Built on an artificial island, the building is a symbol of excessive wealth and money’s victory over the practical.  Designed in the shape of a sail, the entire buidling is lit up an night and rooms near 10,000 square feet.  Whether it’s helicopters pads or the private butlers for each room, no expense is spared at what the locals call “the Burj.” No one at RELATIVITY could ever afford to stay there, but for 70 dollars you can at least enter and take a look around. Now that’s Dubai - an entry fee for just walking through the doors.  

From Indonesia Corespondent Rezwan…

A man should be judged by his deeds and not on his appearance – Al Quran

Migrant laborers from South Asia have played a great role in the transformation of Middle Eastern Gulf countries like UAE, Qatar and Bahrain.  Most of construction work that takes place there consists of physical labor by people of this region, all of whom are paid only a few dollars a day for their efforts. Further still, they clean up the garbage, build the roads, live in cramped quarters many times hard to imagine, work in every kind of shop there is, and some have even been recruited by the police for community service.

In general, however, these people are looked down upon as miskins (beggars) and the bottom place of society, mainly because they’re poor. Not satisfied, people have found another way to example single out and dishonor them.

Look at the pictures below. Do you see any indecency in the photgraphs? On the left is he lungi, traditional south Asian clothing for men. On the right, a thobe, kandora or dishdash, traditional wear for Arab Gulf men. Most will look at the two pictures and see no indeceny. In fact very few will see little difference at all between the two, but believe it or not, the Sharjah Police are cracking down on men wearing the lungi (on the left) in public.

An Asian man was arrested and interrogated by police patrols in Sharjah, UAE (Dubai’s conservative brother emirate) a few days ago for wearing a lungi. The man later said police told him lungis cannot be worn in public.
Sharjah Police maintain that indecent and revealing clothes are not allowed in public. “The decency law was implemented in Sharjah ten years ago,” an officer said.

He said people were expected to wear decent clothes in public, but did not explain if there was a ban on wearing the lungi in public.

Here is what an Arab male quoted in the Gulf News has to say about the Lungi:

“The Lungi is not indecent dress. when anybody lift the lungi above the thigh then it is indecent. Even kandoora can be lifted. if police found any one lifting lungi then they can take actions, but generally when anybody wear lungi in decent manner then it is wrong to object that.”

You will see a lot of illogical comments in this particular Gulf News article about the lungi being indecent and how it should be banned. It may be a poor man’s attire and be considered informal, but who decides fashion? Is Sharjah paying these laborers decent enough salaries so they can afford to the fancy thobes locals wear? What would these people say when Sharjah bans tight jeans because one can see the curves?  It may be interpreted as indecent, although it’s not revealing. There is already a crackdown on jeans in Iran.

There are certain rules about attire in every society. In Bangladesh, there are places where you need formal dress and cannot enter with a lungi. With that said, nobody should have the audacity to say that the lungi should be banned from all public places.

Illogical moral policing will not establish a good example of advancement of society. It is pure racism, this time in a new bottle.

From David Anthony Hohol…

When Barack Obama became president of the United States, his foreign policy agenda approach was transparent and forthright.  He believes that America needs to talk with other governments, even if their policies are undemocratic or even extremist. For his administration, dialogue is the key. He also prefers acting with other countries, rather than going it alone. It must have been so very disappointing for terrorists groups like Al Queda to watch Obama addressing the Muslim world from Cairo, calling for fresh start to relations and a new page in history. 

With this is in mind, Al Queda is missing the good old Bush days. Having an American president that reaches out to the developing world in general, and most particularly the Arab Muslim world, annuls the very foundation of Al Queda’s radical ideology; that being the age old and simplistic “Us vs. Them” doctrine.  This too was a George W. favorite.

Ask yourself this question:  How would George W. acted after Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab’s recent attempt to bring down an American Airline on December 25th? What would Bush have said?  To have made the attempt on December 25th suggests the timing was chosen to ignite an East vs. West conflict, building on the eight year war of divisive actions and words between Al Queda and company and the Bush Administration. This is when Bush came up with gems like “You’re either with us, or your with the terrorists.”   In moments like this, George W. Bush was unwittingly the poster boy for Al Queda recruitment.   And oh how they loved him for it.   

With the latest attempt to terrorize the public, the hope was to handcuff another American presidency to the reactionary side of the war on terror. Obama, however, will not be manipulated and will stay on the diplomatic course his administration set into motion the day he was sworn in as President. Perhaps more than any other sitting American President, Obama is very aware of the extremist mindset; that being to hijack the social and political agenda of Muslim societies so as to create conflict and division between East and West. Whether you voted for him or not, most would agree that Obama is aware that crime has no religion. This is why the world will be a more stable place while he remains in power.

September 11, 2001 changed the lives of so many people. RELATIVITY OnLine’s Dr. Ron Villejo continues where he left off last month in his second of a three part series of articles examining the after shocks. Each of us remembers the months that followed but for Villejo life was set to take a very surprising  turn. Just six months after the Al Queda slaughtered thousands of innocent people in the streets of America, he was sent to the Middle East on a consulting assignment, having never been there before. Fate took him to Saudi Arabia, home to 15 of the 19 hijackers involved in the attacks. Life, as it often does, then simply happened.  

Have you ever visited a place, and found the place changing your life before your very eyes?  Is there such a thing as fate that happens in your life? 

Six months after the horrors of the September 11^th terrorist attacks (2001), I made my very first trip to the Middle East.  And nothing about my life could ever be the same again.  It wasn’t anything that I chose to do – but, as I’ve come to see, a thing that somehow was chosen for me.  What’s more, to feel so much at home in the Middle East was something I could not have imagined in a million years!  I was a privileged boy from Manila, who became an American citizen from Chicago and who had rarely traveled outside the North American borders. 

How and why does a Filipino-American feel at home in Middle East?  I’ll tell you the story. 

I was working for a US-based international consulting firm, and a colleague contacted me about a consulting project in Bahrain – leadership programs.  Apparently my General Manager had assigned me to be part of this team, because of the successes I’ve had in consulting on such programs – and because, I imagined, he knew I was ‘game’ to travel to some place new.  At first, I had no idea where Bahrain was on the map.  So, yeah, it was new alright! 

The client was Saudi Arabian, the biggest oil producer in the world.  And, collectively, the projects we were doing for them came to be among the top two or three projects that our firm was doing worldwide.  Fairly quickly, I was involved in something that had high visibility in the firm – not just because of the business potential of working with this client, but also because there was quite a stir in the American media and public about the fact that the majority of the terrorists were Saudi.  

The trip from Chicago, through Amsterdam, then to Bahrain in March 2002 was interminable. We arrived in the middle of the night, tired but too restless to fall asleep.  Our client planned to take the team out for lunch, so he met us at the hotel.  The noonday sun was way too brilliant for my eyes, even while standing inside the lobby. 

Well before this trip, we were oriented to Arabic culture and trained on how this project was going to be different from others we had done.  We were schooled, for example, to never show the soles of our shoes, and this meant that we were to keep our feet on the floor whenever we sat with our client.  On our first meeting, I sat nervously like this, upright with a stiff back and as alert as possible in the haze of jet lag and sleeplessness. We were also told not to eat with our left hand, so even lunch and dinner were, at first, an awkward experience, as I kept my left hand on my lap and ate with my right hand. 

Further, we were not to extend our hand to shake an Arab lady’s hand, unless she extended it herself first.  Remember, we were working with a client from a country that was among the most conservative and strict in the Islamic world.  So, knowing this, I took these cultural lessons further and made sure that I made no eye contact with Saudi ladies (many were completely covered).  I also made sure that there was absolutely no risk of brushing up against them.  Now, don’t think I was taking this to an extreme.  I was spot-on with the extra caution I was taking.  In fact, our security detail in Riyadh, for another Saudi project, told me that, yes, even the slightest, incidental contact with a Saudi lady could land me in jail.

Thankfully, all such nervousness passed in short order.  I quickly and markedly came to relish my trips to the Middle East – which were about once a month, lasting two to six weeks. 

First, I found the diverse people in the region to be the friendliest I’ve known, without question.  For example, I was in Kuwait, and had a business meeting scheduled with a prospective partner.  But the taxi driver didn’t know exactly where the office building was, so without speaking English, he vaguely pointed me… ‘somewhere over there.’  After walking around for a few minutes, and running late for my meeting, I walked inside the Kuwait Finance House for help.  The Arab gentleman at the front desk must’ve seen on my face that I was lost.  Well, he not only gave me directions, but he actually got up and walked me to the office building! No way would this happen in Chicago. 

What’s more, the Saudi managers we were working withoften invited us for dinner at their homes.  I had my first ‘dose’ of their hospitality – and further lessons on their culture – when a colleague and I arrived to find our host’s wife and daughters separated from anything we did.  The four of us, including his brother, had a lavish spread for dinner, which his wife had prepared for us.  An Omani manager I was coaching offered to show me around Muscat, as our visits were often consumed with work so I had had very little chance to tour the city.  In Dubai, too, I easily made friends, in just a matter of a day or two, during extended layovers, for example, from Riyadh to Muscat.  For instance, an Emirati gentleman took me out for dinner, the first time we met, and we talked for hours as if we were brothers!

Interestingly, I’ve had a number of friends tell me that people in the region weren’t very friendly.  So they’d look at me with a fair amount of skepticism, when I kept saying the opposite. 

Second, I led more or less a sheltered life while growing up in Chicago.  I’ve mentioned in previous articles that for various reasons, my parents separated us from Filipino people and things.  So I effectively lost my country, my culture, and my native tongue.  But, unexpectedly, I found so many Filipinos working throughout the Middle East.  I hadn’t been around so many of them, since I was a little boy in Manila.  They’d smile that knowing smile at me – knowing that I was their kababayan (fellow Filipino).  Funny thing, though, once they’d hear my American accent, they’d get confused and wonder where the heck I was from – Indonesia, Malaysia, Japan?!?  I’ve had Filipino friends in Dubai jokingly tell me to keep my mouth shut and let them do the talking.

I joined this consulting firm, because I knew they had a strong presence in Asia – and more specifically because I thought I’d have an opportunity to make my first visit to the Philippines in ages and ages.  Well, I never made it to Asia, while I was with the firm, even though I pushed for a year to join a consulting project there.  Instead, I landed in the Middle East.  One key reason I felt so at home in the Middle East was the wide presence of my kababayan.   

Third – and this is the main reason why I felt more than just at home, but fatedto be here in the Middle East – I had a particular series of conversations, over time, with various Saudis.  A couple of them, on separate occasions, said I looked Saudi.  I was flattered, and thanked them.  But another incident made me shudder.  Three Saudi men asked me if I had trained them before.  I said, “It’s possible.  I’ve done many training programs before.  Where were the programs held?”  “Jeddah,” they replied.  “Well, no,” I corrected them, “It wasn’t me, because I’ve never been to Jeddah.”  These men were actually not asking to begin with.  They were convinced that I had, in fact, been their trainer.  When I joked, “Well, it must’ve been my twin brother,” they were not laughing in the least!  (Oh, man, I exclaimed to myself, I just had to slide out of that conversation.)  What I came to learn was that the Western province of Saudi Arabia, where Jeddahis located, was populated with Central Asians and other Asians.  One gentleman said I must be a “Bohari Saudi.”  I related this story to a Pakistani driver in Riyadh, and he confirmed that I looked as such. 

So I had begun to wonder, Do I have Arab blood in me?  I suppose it’s possible that I have ancestors from Central Asia.  But what I think is a more plausible explanation is this.  I do have Spanish heritage, with Spain having colonized the Philippines for almost four centuries.  And we know that Arabs had a strong presence in Spain at points in history.  Maybe some of my ancestors – from my great grandfather, and back – were Arab Spanish.    

But did fate bring me to the Middle East, because somehow it knew that thisregion was my home?!?  I’ll tell you, my relationships withthe Arabs in the region were more than just about friendships.  There was a resonating connection we forged witheach other.  Honestly, I think they loved me, because I could understand them.  I listened to them, with the kind of empathy in which I placed myself mind and spirit in their bodies.  In turn, I loved them because they’d share their personal stories and helped me learn and feel comfortable.  Over dinner, another Saudi gentleman mentioned having traveled to Makkahin the last few days of Ramadan one year.  He had brought his son withhim, but he felt the need to be in the mosque by himself, so he had him stay with his sister.  He told me about being very uncomfortable sleeping on the floor the first few nights in the mosque.  But by the fourthor fifthnight, it was a sort of revelation he had.  His eyes lit up in the dim light of the restaurant, as he related his story.  He said he felt close to God, at that point.  Americans don’t often talk about religion.  The country is so secular in its separation of church-and-state that it’s outside business protocol to talk about God or religion.  You just don’t do that.  But there I was, with this Saudi gentleman, talking about this very thing – the first of many such open conversations I’ve had.

Such talk of God didn’t so much shape my religious ideology and values, but more, I think, it gave a forum for the things that were already inside me, then, to come forth.  Interestingly, some friends have not only wondered whether I was Muslim, but have complimented me when I had said something that mirrored Islam.  This is my story – I was born Catholic, but gave up this religion in my teens for reasons I talked about in a previous article in this magazine (“The Evolution of Faith”).  I had never studied Islam, except for reading a few articles and a couple of books on Arab culture and history.  But clearly what was emanating from my heart and mind, naturally, was Muslim!

We did our best to accommodate prayer times, in scheduling our programs in the Middle East.  Besides the curiosity and learning I had around this, I came to pine, quietly, at the relative lack of sacredness in American society.  A Muslim friend tells me, his daily prayers help him not only to feel close to God, but also to rid himself of any negative feelings about anyone.  How wonderful, I thought.  Since arriving in the Middle East, I’ve incorporated prayer in my daily sitting meditation. 

Ron Villejo, PhD

ron.villejo@gmail.com

+971 50 715 9026