Some say men and women have been caught in gender warfare from the beginning of time. Women might be from Mars and men could be from Venus, but one thing is for sure – men and women are different. The result has always been a power struggle of sorts and further still, there have always been jobs designated more for men or for women. Work around the house has traditionally been done by women, but times are changing. At least staff writer Lama J would like them to be.
An article in one of the biggest Middle Eastern magazines recently claimed 63% of married women in the Middle East complete 90% of household tasks, leaving only 10% completed by their husbands. 26% of these women said they do all the house work out of love and don’t ask for any help in return from their husbands. 37% were not happy with their situation and complained that their husband never offered even the slightest bit of help around the house.
Only 9% of the Middle Eastern women said they receive help from their husbands and are content. These figures made me stop and think why so many men feel they’re excused from house work.
A recent Oprah show revealed that the majority of American women are doing 80% of the house work without any help from their husbands or partners, and most of these husbands never offer to help. That’s when I realized this is not a Middle Eastern issue, but one that runs worldwide.
What makes most men on this planet almost united in this way of thinking? Why do most women accept this, although they are equal partners? Why do most women feel they are more committed to taking care of their kids? Even though both equally work at their jobs outside the house, why are their tasks at home not divided between men and women more equally? Can’t we consider marriage duties in the home to be more like a company, where all employees do their part?
I have many female friends, mostly Arabs that I chat with all the time. I always hear things like, “My husband wasn’t happy with the food yesterday, or I have to go home because he’s coming back early from work, or he’s out all night smoking and playing cards with his friends, or it was my birthday and he didn’t buy me flowers or even a gift, or I need to put the kids into bed before he comes back because he doesn’t like to hear them screaming.”
I am not saying Middle Eastern men are the only men who think this way. It’s clear that men around the world subscribe to this way of thinking. With that said, it seems the majority of men in Arabic societies think housework is for women and women only.
Many people think Middle Eastern men are this way because of they are Muslims. Let me clarify one thing here – Islam 100% supports women. We even have a chapter in the Quran called “Al-Nisaa” (Women) dedicated to the topic of women, their rights and how men should treat them.
Despite what many people might think, Muslim women are free to choose their own husbands, just as they are free to divorce. Even if there is pressure from the entire family to marry a man or leave a man she is already married to, it is her right to choose. There is nothing in Islam that says a wife has to cook and clean, and it is her right to refuse to do so. The Prophet Mohamed, (peace be upon him) even said that a husband is obligated to pay his wife for the work she does at home, if he does not help her. Prophet Mohammed also said that men should be more flexible with women than they are with themselves.
What we see from many men in the Middle East nowadays is not related to Islam, but to antiquated traditional values, norms, and other cultural issues that appear to give men the right to be lazy. This way a man can point his finger towards a woman and say she is not doing her job properly. The result is that many women are left feeling obligated and they end up doing everything around the house to show they are good wives.
What surprises me even more is when I see that even women in other parts of the world, First World fully developed countries, where women are suffering the same fate. What’s going on here? Are we living in an Empire of Men?
Some men never realize how awful their partners feel because of this. Women, by their very nature, are givers, or at least most of the time they are. This is why we can be mothers, why we are more connected to our emotions. My mother always tells me I’ll know this feeling when I carry my child for nine months. Of course, I am generalizing here, as many women are even worse than men. But when you see women all over the world, all doing the same tasks, without that help of their husbands, one cannot deny there is a pattern.
Does it come from the way people are born and raised? Do we need to re-learn how to care for one another as human beings? A carless parent will raise a carless child, who will also be a partner one day and repeat the same example. I think women need to stand up for their rights more often and be easier on themselves.
I cannot deny that I do many things around the house, but my husband always offers his help, again and again. Sometimes I have to kick him out of the kitchen, as I’d rather just do things on my own. That way they will be done how I like them to be – but at least he is offering. I cook, and he makes the table, I wash clothes and he puts them out to dry, I clean the house and he surprises me with flowers almost every week. We take turns choosing movies or restaurants. In the end, he treats me as his equal.
Of course we fight and have our own problems, but I think our married life is healthier than many others I know. Many Arab women often say, “Lama, your husband is Canadian… he’s different,” but I don’t think this is the reason. My guess is that he simply cares. Further still, both the husband and wife need to stand up and voice their opinions, so that each knows how to treat the other.
I wish those percentages I mentioned earlier were different. We can make them different if we stand up for ourselves and say NO sometimes. Society needs to be less harsh on Middle Eastern women, but we must also remember women have helped to create this kind of society. Now it’s up to us to make things different.
From Lama J…
One thing we all know for sure is that despite our similarities, men and women and very different. A key difference between genders has always been how we socialize with one another. Sociologists have long pointed out men tend to mix best while in the midst of an activity of some sort. Women, on the other hand, socialize best when participating in activities involving emotional connection. As a result, the items on our list involve some sort of action or at least the observation of action. Practicality was also taken into consideration, as week long camping trips would be great, but it takes just a little bit longer than getting together on the weekend to throw the football around. So, what are the 10 best way guys do guy-stuff with other guys? Here’s RELATIVITY OnLine’s own countdown of the 10 best ways to hang out and get to know your friends – in a manly way of course. 
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