RELATIVELY Speaking

• AHMADINEJAD SUFFERS BURNS Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s much anticipated address to the U.N. ended in tragedy when a pyrotechnics mishap left the him with third-degree burns on his hands and face. His entrance music “Highway To Hell” also skipped. Bad day for the Mad Iranian Hobbit.
• FOOD BARONS WORSE THAN WALL STREET Big Food makes Big Finance look like amateurs: 3 firms process 70% of US beef; 87% of acreage dedicated to GE crops contained crops bearing Monsanto traits; 4 companies produced 75% of cereal and snacks. Holy Shit Batman! Now that’s an dictatorial Monopl
• HAS EGYPT"S REVOLUTION BECOME A MILITARY COUP? As the so-called Supreme Council of the Armed Forces increasingly cements, and in some cases flaunts, its firm grip on power, the revolution that inspired a region is beginning to look more like an old-fashioned military takeover.
• KOSHER AND HALAL NO MORE The Dutch parliament voted to ban ritual slaughter of animals, a move strongly opposed by the country’s Muslim and Jewish minorities. Get over yourself Amsterdam, hit the bong, bang a prostutte and live and let live already.
• TO ALL THE LADIES OUT THERE Online dating has become more popular than ever and cyber sex has replaced face to face excitment altogether for some. To all the ladies out there, the guy you’re currently online with just sent us his photo. Oy Yah baby.
• WiKI SLAMS SCIENTOLOGISTS Wikipedia has banned the Church of Scientology from editing any articles. Punishment for repeated and deceptive editing of articles related to the controversial religion. Like Wikipedia isn’t filled with false crap anyway. Morons.