From Abdulla Abdelsalam Belal…

What do you think is better? A large family?, a small one, or no child at all?

I grew up in a large family. I have 5 brothers and 3 sisters and they are all younger than me. One of my brothers was adopted from an Ethiopia. I’m happy I have so many siblings. Life is never boring in our house, that’s for sure. I have always somebody to talk to and share things with; it’s a nice feeling.  We help each other out with chores or homework, and if I want to play soccer with my friends and we are short of people, I can always count on my siblings to save the day. Of course we fight sometimes, but that’s normal between siblings. The fact is I cannot imagine what life would be like as an only child.

In my country, it’s normal to have a large family because people see children as a gift from God and a blessing. Besides money, what else can make people’s live happy – it’s family of course! But here in the Middle East, just like everywhere else, things change and nothing stays the same. Large families were more common in the old days. The younger generation has fewer children. I think it’s has a lot to do with the high cost of living nowadays. Everything is getting more expensive, so to feed a large family requires more money. Not everybody is rich in our country and many families struggle to make ends meet.

I come from an average middle class family – not rich, not poor. Thank God we have everything we need and everybody is healthy and happy. My parents never would’ve considered having so many children, if they were not able to take care of all of us. The good thing is my brother and sisters learn from each, help each other out and we’re never alone. I will consider having a large family, because I just love the atmosphere in the house. We all have different characters, so everybody reacts differently to certain things… it’s sometimes fun to watch. But I’m just one person from one culture and everybody should decide for themselves whether or not they want to have a big family.

Many people think that if someone decides to have a large family, the parents must be poorly educated or needy. That might be true in some cases but not in our family. My mother always dreamed of having many children, because she grew with only one brother eight years older than her. She always longed for a sister her age to share things or do things with, but she knew that it would never happen. People sometimes can be very prejudice about large families. It’s almost like some people look down on those who have too many kids.

Everybody should live his life the way he or she thinks will be fulfilling for them. If someone thinks he’s better of having no children at all, or he or she want only one or two children, that’s their decision.  I don’t judge people based on the size of their family. I know most people in Europe and America try to keep the size of their family small.

I believe that even one child can also bring happiness, but I would love to have more than that. What else is there in life? It would be fantastic if I was the richest man on the planet, but if I had nobody to share it with, no one to carry on my name, I would be so alone in the end.

I think my mom does a great job every day, raising so many children. She’s always there for all of us. I am lucky and feel blessed to have such loving and caring family. I know there are many children out there who also grew up in large families and who don’t feel the same way I do. I think that maybe they were not so lucky and had a rough time growing up.

Life is too short – everybody needs to feel he or she is being loved or they belong somewhere. It doesn’t matter – a small, medium, large family or having no child at all – people just should go on living their lives and discover what’s right for them.

In the end, life would be pretty boring of we all thought and lived the same way.

From Abdullla Abdulsalam Belal…

Are interracial marriages a problem in today’s society? Do the children of interracial marriages suffer more than others? Are they doomed from the start?

I believe interracial marriages can work and that everybody, man or woman, should have the right to choose who they want to marry, regardless of religion or nationality. There are many skeptics who think that mixed marriages are bad for children, but problems also occur in relationships where both parents are from the same ethnicity.

I’m a child of an interracial marriage. My father is an Emirati and my mother is German. She comes from the former East Germany and was raised in a small coastal community near the ocean called Rostock. A part of me considers myself to be an Arab, but there is another part of me that tells me I’m also German. I have an Arab name, I speak Arabic, (even though it’s not perfect) and I’m a Muslim. Yet there is another part of me, who talks, thinks, and acts more like a European. I think that my mother has more influence over me and my siblings, than my father. My mother was an atheist before converting to Islam on her own. She raised me and my siblings as Muslims and taught us important values, which many teens in our society lack. I think she’s done a great job.

My mother is always around and my father only occasionally comes to stay with us. The reason for this is that my father has two wives. His first is to an Emirati woman, with whom he has several children. My mother is his second wife. He works very hard to provide for both of his families. He spends most of his free time with his first wife and their children, however, since they live near his workplace and we live quite far away. If he finishes work late, which is most of the time, he feels too tired to drive all the way up to see us. He promises that in the future everything will change and he’ll have more time for us. I recently graduated from high school and will start college in the fall, so I don’t think that I will ever see this day. When I was younger, we used to go out on picnics together, have barbeques on the beach, play football in the park, eat out in restaurants, or visit relatives. I really miss those days. I wish that my father and mother, as well as my siblings and I, could spend more time together as a family.

I know I will never marry two (or more) women, because I don’t think a man never can be just to both, even if he intends to be. In the end, one or both will suffer and this isn’t fair.

Nowadays, it’s become very difficult for an Emirati man to marry a foreigner. The government says it’s not good for society. They often ask if a local boy marries outside his country, who will marry all the local girls who are waiting to get married? I say, why not let the local girls marry from outside our country, same as the boys? Life always changes and nothing stays the same. People should start to embrace those changes, instead of fighting them. Interracial marriages are not a disease that will wipe out an entire nation, but it’s sometimes treated this way in my society. It’s seen as unacceptable by some and something that must be stopped.

Why? Some say children from mixed marriages are more delinquent than children whose parents are both Arabs. Does anyone really believe this is true? Some say most of these mixed children don’t speak Arabic. I have to say that during my school days I wrote and read Arabic better than most of the Arab children I went to school with, whose parents were both Arabs. I even got certificates from schools, which state that my Arabic writing and reading is excellent. Many so-called pure Emiratis in my classes never reached the same levels as I did. I will say that I don’t speak what would be called fluent Arabic, but I do understand everything and communicate with others without any problems.

Some say there are many behavior and attitude problems that come with being a child of a mixed marriage. I say what about the children of so-called pure Emiratis? I think there are some who need to be educated about having good manners, respecting the elderly, their parents and their teachers. Some need to grow up and act more mature, to think more independently, and to learn only hard work pays the rent or the luxurious lifestyle so many chase and think they’re entitled to. At the end of the day, those that seek the easy way need to stop cheating their way through things and taking shortcuts through life to get what they want.  Further still, some get involved with drugs, alcohol and crime; and some barely speak Arabic anymore, preferring to speak only English.

That doesn’t mean that only pure Emiratis are lazy and get into trouble; of course not.  Many children from mixed marriages think and do all of what I have listed above. These attitudes and behaviors come from both sides, and in the young people of countries around the world. I only want to point out that nobody is perfect and problems can arise in families where both parents are from the same nationality. Problems occur everywhere and in every country and none of this has anything to do with the fact that someone marries outside their own ethnic group. I think some people in our society need think twice before claiming the mothers of interracial marriages have a negative influence on their children, that they kill the Arabic language, or that they are bad mannered and no use to local culture. My mother has guided me towards being a good man, a good Muslim, and good Emirati, all of which I am very proud to be. 

Those of pure descent also face many problems, but nobody ever talks about it or badmouths them. In fact, many people here choose to cover things up, so nobody outside the family knows what is really going on inside the house. Many pure Emiratis listen to English music, they like to talk English, and love many things from the Western World. Who influenced them? Why do they follow Western Culture? Nobody is telling them to adopt the same Western lifestyle, or to wear Western clothing, or to eat Western food or to listen to Western music. Why blame the foreigners and why put the blame on interracial marriages?

 It’s always an easy thing to do, putting the blame on others. I think we all should try and live together in peace and respect our differences. Don’t judge others only because they are different from you – just learn to accept. A mother always tries to do her best in raising her children, to teach them well, and to prepare them for life. It doesn’t matter if the woman is poor or rich, if she is educated or never finished school.  It’s the mother’s love for her children, the way she cares for them, that should counted and not her language or nationality.

Why not fight the real problem, instead of questioning mothers who are only trying to do the best they can. I am not ashamed of my parents. I love them both dearly and I don’t care if anyone thinks marrying a foreigner is wrong, because I don’t believe it is. I don’t know from which country my future wife will be, but one thing is for certain – I will follow my heart and not any set of rules and regulations, when deciding on the woman I want to spend my life with.

Born in Dubai, UAE Staff Writer Abdulla Abdulsalam Belal is a recent graduate of one his country’s most prestigious prep schools. Set to begin his first year of college, he hopes to major in media studies and communications. In his young life, Belal has seen his small country go from a empty patch of sand, closed to the oustide world and steeped in tradition, to the Hong Kong slash Las Vegas of the Middle East. Fueled by dynamism and plurality, Belal’s unique perspective is fresh and unsullen, his thoughts revealing the future of his country and perhaps, the Arab world as a whole.