From Abdulla Abdelsalam Belal…

What do you think is better? A large family?, a small one, or no child at all?

I grew up in a large family. I have 5 brothers and 3 sisters and they are all younger than me. One of my brothers was adopted from an Ethiopia. I’m happy I have so many siblings. Life is never boring in our house, that’s for sure. I have always somebody to talk to and share things with; it’s a nice feeling.  We help each other out with chores or homework, and if I want to play soccer with my friends and we are short of people, I can always count on my siblings to save the day. Of course we fight sometimes, but that’s normal between siblings. The fact is I cannot imagine what life would be like as an only child.

In my country, it’s normal to have a large family because people see children as a gift from God and a blessing. Besides money, what else can make people’s live happy – it’s family of course! But here in the Middle East, just like everywhere else, things change and nothing stays the same. Large families were more common in the old days. The younger generation has fewer children. I think it’s has a lot to do with the high cost of living nowadays. Everything is getting more expensive, so to feed a large family requires more money. Not everybody is rich in our country and many families struggle to make ends meet.

I come from an average middle class family – not rich, not poor. Thank God we have everything we need and everybody is healthy and happy. My parents never would’ve considered having so many children, if they were not able to take care of all of us. The good thing is my brother and sisters learn from each, help each other out and we’re never alone. I will consider having a large family, because I just love the atmosphere in the house. We all have different characters, so everybody reacts differently to certain things… it’s sometimes fun to watch. But I’m just one person from one culture and everybody should decide for themselves whether or not they want to have a big family.

Many people think that if someone decides to have a large family, the parents must be poorly educated or needy. That might be true in some cases but not in our family. My mother always dreamed of having many children, because she grew with only one brother eight years older than her. She always longed for a sister her age to share things or do things with, but she knew that it would never happen. People sometimes can be very prejudice about large families. It’s almost like some people look down on those who have too many kids.

Everybody should live his life the way he or she thinks will be fulfilling for them. If someone thinks he’s better of having no children at all, or he or she want only one or two children, that’s their decision.  I don’t judge people based on the size of their family. I know most people in Europe and America try to keep the size of their family small.

I believe that even one child can also bring happiness, but I would love to have more than that. What else is there in life? It would be fantastic if I was the richest man on the planet, but if I had nobody to share it with, no one to carry on my name, I would be so alone in the end.

I think my mom does a great job every day, raising so many children. She’s always there for all of us. I am lucky and feel blessed to have such loving and caring family. I know there are many children out there who also grew up in large families and who don’t feel the same way I do. I think that maybe they were not so lucky and had a rough time growing up.

Life is too short – everybody needs to feel he or she is being loved or they belong somewhere. It doesn’t matter – a small, medium, large family or having no child at all – people just should go on living their lives and discover what’s right for them.

In the end, life would be pretty boring of we all thought and lived the same way.

From Lama J . . .

Simplicity is the cure for the complications of daily life, pureness the one and only remedy and salvation. It’s not a philosophy or a theory I’m trying to raise, but a question I keep asking myself – is it really strange to be simple? Is it a shame to be pure and spontaneous?

I grew up in a simple house, where I learned how to earn things. I was taught to be proud of being a Palestinian, an Arab, and above else, a Muslim. I always prayed with my parents and fasted during Ramadan every year – today I still do.  I used to visit my uncles and relatives, although part of me didn’t really like doing so. I respected my parents and never argued with them about anything, even if they weren’t convincing. I used to help mom and my sisters in preparing big meals for the family. In fact, we each cooked twice a week and it wasn’t an option to do so, but a duty. I grew up proudly in a very simple and traditional Middle Eastern home. Looking back now, I feel lucky.

On the other hand, I received my education from a private school, where boys and girls were allowed to study with each other. I had posters of Wham and George Michael in my bedroom, loved to listen to pop music and watched Western movies and TV shows.

As I grew up, my dad used to tell us, when you work hard your reward is always big. He also said to work as if there is no one beside you to help. After I finished university, I worked in many places in Amman trying to earn a living and to prove that I could do a lot of things with a small amount of money. Eventually my efforts and education took me to a job Europe and my travels around the world began.   

My dream, all along, was to have a family of my own – kids here and there, playing with them one minute and yelling at them the next. I guess it’s a simple dream. I love kids, and I’m not afraid to say that loudly. I guess I’m a big kid too, as I’ve never wanted to grow up. What could be better than having beautiful angels living with you, watching them grow, learn, and later marry to start families of their own? Kids are a blessing from God. The Holly Quran even says “money and kids are the beauty of our lives.“

I felt the need to write these thoughts, just to make sure that I’m still on the right track, trying to follow what I think to be normal. In the end, I try to keep the balance in my life.

Many sophisticated co-workers and friends of mine from different nationalities and religions often look at me with a big question mark. I guess I’m silly and very old-fashioned about my ideas of having kids and living happily ever after; I guess I’m wasting my precious time cooking; I guess I’m not really enjoying my time because I don’t party a lot. Hmmm… where the hell I have been hiding all these years??

Let me say this loudly, so all can hear – this kind of thinking is not normal!! A friend of mine with no children, who has four cats and calls them her daughters and who always talks about how children would interfere with her lifestyle, is not normal. Sometimes she takes couple of days off because one of the daughters is sick. Don’t get me wrong; I love animals. They’re beautiful and cute, but they are not people.

Another friend of mine told me she doesn’t want kids because she’s afraid that her face will get paralyzed? But How?? Did you ever read about this happening to anyone? I didn’t.

Another is telling me she has her own way of living and kids are just an interruption to this lifestyle. Can’t kids be part of our lifestyle? Another hates the responsibility, but aren’t we are supposed to be responsible? Another thinks that she makes money to enjoy spending it, and not to waste it on kids. Are children a waste of our money?

 I can give endless examples of women I meet in my day-to-day life who simply cannot imagine having children. I’m sure there are more and I’m still interested to meet and to listen to their opinionsl. Most of these fellow women react so strangely every time I show how much I need a child, looking at me in a way that makes me try to hide my feelings towards being a mother. Sometimes they make me feel like I ran away from the Stone Age.

I guess people like being weird these days. Maybe it’s cool to be different, or it’s good to make lots of money and not share it with anybody. Many marriages seem to be now based on emptiness; a need of having something called partner in one’s life, but this partner doesn’t expect much from the other. Every time I feel proud of learning how to cook a new recipe that my husband really liked and want to brag about it. When I do, once again, I made to feel like I’m from the Stone Age.

A friend of mine doesn’t like cooking because she cannot stand washing dishes. Another one orders from a food service to feed the family every day. Some literally have never done anything, but work at their jobs. Many place work as a priority over starting a family of their own and their husbands are not even complaining.

Is this the new generation? Are these the expected future mothers? Are we really convinced that this is the right thing? How far we are willing to go with this way of thinking? Is this a new religion that people want to follow, where we can be more classy and civilized?

I guess we are heading towards the danger zone here; I guess we’re heading towards the nonsense.