RELATIVELY Speaking

• AFGHAN SCHOOLGIRLS POISONED About 150 Afghan schoolgirls were poisoned on Tuesday after drinking contaminated water at a high school in the country’s north, officials said, blaming it on conservative radicals opposed to female education.
• EVERY POTENIONAL 2040 PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE UNELECTABLE DUE TO FACEBOOK A troubling report finds that by 2040 every presidential candidate will be unelectable to political office due to their embarrassing Facebook posts
• NOBEL LAUREATES AGREE: LEGALIZE POT NOW Over 300 economists have signed on to an open letter to the President, Congress, Governors, and State Legislators asking them to allow this “country to commence an open and honest debate about marijuana prohibition.”
• TO ALL THE LADIES OUT THERE Online dating has become more popular than ever and cyber sex has replaced face to face excitment altogether for some. To all the ladies out there, the guy you’re currently online with just sent us his photo. Oy Yah baby.
• WORLD MODELS ITSELF AFTER CANADA Canada’s Charter of Rights and Freedoms has replaced the American Bill of Rights as the constitutional document most emulated by other nations.